Grumpy

I was given a book called Grumpy Old Men for Christmas. Not the screenplay of the Lemon/Matthau movie but the book of a BBC TV series I hadn’t heard of. The cover featured a photo of 4 men on the Abbey Road crosswalk, one of whom looked like Rick Wakeman, famed long-blonde multi-keyboardist with my favorite band, Yes. Is it he, I wondered, and if so, what’s the connection? Turns out the TV show (sorry, “programme”) shows a number of well-known middle-aged men talking about any issues of modern life which irritate them, from the proliferation of excessive road signs to unnecessary and overly-loud mobile phone conversations (according to Wikipedia). Apparently, this unpromising premise is hilariously funny, and indeed the parts of the book that are the grumpy bits are enjoyable. Rick and Tim Rice are among the well-known middle-aged men as are less global personalities such as journalist Simon Hoggart and the late John Peel, who was a radio DJ when I was a kid, famed for his eclectic musical taste.

Well this sounded more fun to do than listen to, so let’s give it a go – I’m well-known only to my wife, but I am middle-aged – one out of two’s enough, I trust.

• Traffic signals that turn red even though there are no cars waiting the other way. I know we have the technology to keep the lights green until a vehicle shows up wanting to cross. Keep It Green is my slogan.
• Am I the only person who thinks The Office is cringingly unfunny? And I can’t even look at pictures of Sacha Baron Cohen without hoping Monty Python’s 16 ton weight will fall on him. Never seen his comedy, never want to.
• Okay, Microsoft has had 20 years to perfect Windows, and my computer hung up again just now. Don’t tell me it’s the other guy’s software that’s to blame – mine always hangs up on Internet Explorer and MS Word, which are Microsoft’s own offspring. The next version of Windows is out, but too late for me – my next ‘puter will be Apple. (And since when did “PC” get to mean only the Windows computers?).
• Why do Brits insist on the spelling “programme”? As in “Ye Olde Computere Programme” perhaps? What could be more modern than the program, whether TV, computer or 12 Step? Brits, please, get with the “program”!
• People who think that because they came up with a good idea, we all want to know the hows and whys. That’s my main criticism of Grumpy Old Men, which really doesn’t start grumping until page 50. Trying to cash in, Mr Prebble?